January 12th, 2012 | Author: trancejen
So I wasn’t going to blog about all of this, but I’m pissed off, so I am.
Today marks the last day of the J-Man’s public education, because the school system here in Indianny can kiss my sizable, cornfed ass.
The J-Man has dealt with the taunts, the bullying. We have tried to cope with this using counseling, working together as a family, and even (much to my displeasure) psychiatric medication to quell his anxiety.
Much of this is largely because I have had absolutely no help from the school administration. From the vice-principal to the superintendent, everyone has passed the buck and has been unbelievably callous and unhelpful. I feel that had just one person shown the slightest bit of interest in my son’s pain or had just one person been willing to actually discipline the students involved, things could have turned out very differently.
Instead, I have a hugely anxious child who is very, very angry; a child with poor grades who used to have stellar grades, a child with a sullen attitude who used to have a great one, and a child who no longer trusts most people.
The straw that broke this camel’s back was this particular incident: The J-Man was being pushed and shoved into lockers by one boy – let’s call him ASSHOLE – on a very regular basis. He didn’t tell me about it for a while, but when he finally gave up ASSHOLE’s name, I immediately called the vice principal, because I was concerned for his safety.
The man assured me that this issue would be dealt with swiftly and harshly, and despite my better judgment, I believed him.
Then J. came home from school and told me that the VP called him into the office and told him to let him know if it happened again. He would then deal with it.
I was livid. I still am.
I made the decision there and then to pull him out of school and send him back to the Lutherans. The Lutherans might be a little snobby, and they might be a little anal, but they’re not violent, and they’re not uncaring.
I have had it with these jerks at the public school.
I know I’m not the only one. My son comes home with reports of knifes being pulled, kids having sex in the bathrooms, and all sorts of other bullshit. I simply can’t believe this sort of crap is happening in a junior high and nobody is doing anything about it.
So I’m going, but I’m not going quietly.
I’m writing letters to everyone I can think of – vitriolic letters that fully express my displeasure regarding the way my son has been treated and the way I have been treated.
School should be a safe environment. No child should have to walk the halls worrying about being bullied, pushed, beat up, or God forbid, knifed.
I’m just thankful I’m getting my son out in time.
I wish I had never pulled him out of the Lutheran school – a lot of it had to do with finances – but hindsight is always 20/20, even for this blind-ass girl.
I’m also not too jazzed about the idea of having to attend church again, but I would pretty much at glass to make sure that my kid has a safe and happy education.
He was not without problems at the Lutheran school, to be sure, but said problems were nothing compared to what he went through at the public school. Nothing.
In still other news, there is pain, and it is constant, throbbing, stabbing, vicious, everyday, all-day pain. I don’t know whether my slipped discs have gotten worse, or perhaps multiplied from falling due to seizures, but my back is in agony, and for some reason so are my thighs. My Fentanyl dosage has been doubled, and that only seemed to help for a few days.
I don’t talk about it much. It seems pointless to whine about it. I am too afraid to get the surgery I’m supposed to have on my back and neck, and I suppose that means I’m fairly fucked. (To the five commenters about to tell me that the surgery is not that bad, and that I’m being a big weenie – save your breath – I can’t be laid up for that long anyway – who the hell is going to take care of me??)
The thing about being in pain all of the time (and also about being on a constant flow of pain meds) is that it makes you pretty tired. So tired. Add to that a fair amount of seizures and a double dose of daily migraines, and you have an awful lot of tired. I feel like I could sleep forever.
I’m having some testing done, though – spinal MRIs and x-rays on my legs and some tests to figure out why I’m having so many damned migraines.
Here we go again.
It never ends.
I’m glad I have B., who is there for me on an amazing level, partially because he is going through similar shit himself. Sad that we’re both neurologically fucked, but sort of comforting at the same time, because we each understand where the other is coming from.
Between the two of us, I think we have enough fucking medication to stock your average pharmacy.
Aside from that, he’s wonderful. I feel very well-loved, and it’s refreshing. I have to admit, I love the hell out of this man.
Winter 2012
Happy Thursday. My stress could be less, but at least I have a handsome boy.
GD Jen! I grew up going to Lutheran Schools and then public for high school and the difference was shocking. The truth is they just don’t givafrig about the students in a large setting like that. They don’t have the resources or love. I hear you about church, my daddy is a Lutheran conservative minister, and I still show up on the regular to church out of respect though I quietly left the faith when I was 19… those hymns are painful!! Standupsitdownstandupsitdownstandupsitdown FREE COFFEE
P.S. your bf is cute
This made me crack up, Sara: Standupsitdownstandupsitdownstandupsitdown FREE COFFEE HAAAAAAAAA Plus, yeah.
A handsome boy indeed! Sorry to hear about the J-Man’s continued troubles in that horrible school. Glad to hear that he’s going back to Luthern School. The church part isn’t ideal, of course, but it’s doable. Also sorry to hear about the additional pain – I hope you find some relief.
Nice looking man ya got there. I’m glad he puts some happy and good into your life. Public schools suck, mostly, but you have the alternative so that is good. Pain…. completely sucks. I hope the docs can find and fix
I just have to say, yes your dude is cute, but more than that – YOU ARE AN AWESOME MOM.
I didn’t have it nearly as bad in middle school, but I WAS bullied, and it sucks. Go you for standing up for him.
Cute boyfriend, glad you’re happy and things are going well in that area.
Ongoing medical problems SUCK. You just keep waiting for it to go away and it never does. Hope things get better there, for both of you.
I had a bullying incident in high school–Catholic high school. I went to the principal–she took care of the problem, and quick. You don’t mess with nuns, they’ll kick your ass. (I had to show her things the bullies had written in a notebook that belonged to me–things a nun should never have to see) Maybe nuns should be running our country–they may be scary but they get things DONE.
I’m so sorry to hear that things had gotten so bad for the J-man but so glad that you found out in time and were able to get him out. I hope that you start feeling better soon and yes…a handsome boy you have there! Love always helps. *HUGS*
With all the national attention bullying is getting right now, including the case of Phoebe Prince, the school admin has to be pretty stupid to ignore your complaints. Is he being called fag or other anti-gay slurs? I wonder if you could even get the ACLU involved (not saying the J-man is gay, but I believe the ACLU can sue if someone is harassed based on *perceived* sexual orientation).
I also cannot believe that J-man’s bullying sitch went this far with all the media attention on bullying!! Good for you for pulling him out of there. I went to a junior and high school that had a terrible bullying problem and it didn’t really turn around until a kid got his jaw broken and was told to go back to class. He sued the district and won.
So glad you and your cute boy are good. Hopefully, the back pain subsides soon. I have chronic head/neck aches and was told I need sinus surgery. I decided I’m not doing it after I was told what the recovery would be like.
Oh my dear sweet friend in Indianny, where to start?
First of all – Bravo on making the move to get Jaden back into a safe learning environment, albeit in a Lutheren setting, but what the HEll-Nuns are not known for taking shit from ANYONE let alone a bully so the J-man should have his stress level drop very quickly and his grades and attitude towards people should once again balance out to a normal degree. As for the church part, can you sit waaay in the back and keep your Ipod playing in your earphones without attracting unwanted ‘Penguins with sharp rulers’ activity? Tell them you need to stay seated and quiet because of your neurological condition and maybe they’ll buy it and leave you in peace.
The fucked back and neck thing? ARGH. I imagine that your blood pressure is through the roof these days because of all the stress in your life and high BP can certainly trigger migraines (they did to me living in Phoenix with Danny). Can you use a migraine drug call Imitrex? I use the injectible kind and 2 injections followed by 15 minutes of quiet time always knocks the migraines out. Just a thought anyway. Strobing Zebra-type vision and puking from the migraines is bad enough without adding in pain from your back.
As for the back pain, I blew out my back AGAIN on Dec 23rd when I went to move my bed so I could clean underneath and I felt an immediate *Twinge* that let me know I was about to be screwed without a kiss or a nice dinner and sure as shit I would up in the emergency room last week from the Sciatica pain being so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed to go pee. I was screaming at full volume from my bed to have someone, ANYONE come and help me get up but my Mother is 100% deaf in one ear and 85% deaf in the other – Dad is only marginally better by less than 10% though. VERY SCARY ! The doctor gave me Percocet 10/325, Flexeril as the muscle relaxer and 10 tabs of Prednisone, a steroid to reduce the inflamation and pressure on the nerve. It took almost 3 days, but the pain is reduced by about 75% and I can walk again (I’m HEALED I’m HEALED *snark*). I am pretty sure that the steroid is the reason for the pain relief but the pain pills worked too but made me sooo sleepy. It looks like you and I are both headed for the knife in our very near future and like you I am left wondering who the hell is going to take care of me after the surgery…? Damn reality just bites sometimes. I do think though that Medicaid and or Medicare may provide in-home nursing on a limited basis for situations like this so do a bit of research online and hopefully ‘if’ you need to get back surgery in the near future, you will have someone skilled to help you get through the worst part of the recovery process without having to stress about taking care of all the day to day bullshit that we all deal with. There is also the alternative of receiving a series of 3 Spinal epidural injections in the affected disks to reduce the majority of the pressure on any nerves like the Sciatica. I did the 3 injections back in the late 90’s and they worked like magic for about a year and a half of no pain at all in my back or legs – so you may want to look into that as well sweetie.
You can call me anytime day or night Jen to talk,vent or maybe even laugh a little. My Cell phone is always on too. I’m gonna take a chance and leave my Cell number in this comment but I would ask that you erase my phone number from here once you have written it in your ‘Hello Kitty’ address book. Hokey Dokey ? It’s : .
Sorry for the long comment Jen, but I KNOW how badly your pain level is right now (as I wash down a Percocet with some lovely coffee) and I’m hoping that at least one of my suggestions might get you some fast results so that you can go down to the J-mans school in person and WHOOP ASS on those pathetic so-called administrators. Our public schools have really gone downhill from the time that you and I were in the J-mans age group and we as a nation are going to pay the price when we will have to rely on these poorly educated kids to become our elected officials. Oh but we are gonna pay dearly doncha know.
Sending you positive vibes and inner strength Jen. Like I said – give me a call anytime kiddo, I’m here for you as your Arizona lifeline.
– John in Tucson
Oh John, we are truly living parallel lives… Will call you soon, babe…
bullies….they are everywhere aren’t they? i’ve barely gotten my 10 year old girlie to realize that she has to defend herself, not only physically but mentally as well! it makes me sooooooo angry!!! i want to slap some parents around and say, “really????? you let/allow, encourage/ignore all the damn idiotic, mean, aggressive, horrible, distasteful….etc etc etc…behavior that your child does???” and that’s what i truly believe it boils down to. bad parenting. kids only know what they are taught. and unfortunately, there are millions of bad role model parents out there. i really hope things get better for the j-man. it breaks my heart to hear that any kid is hurting.
as for the migraines…i agree with john, i love imitrex. it had a few vicious side effects but nothing compared to the migraine itself. i’ve done the injections as well as the nasal spray and both worked well, you just have to use them in time. if you wait to long it’s a no go. i hate to hear that you are in so much pain along with the other issues you have going on. but….on the bright side….what a CUTIE PATOOTIE B is!! good for you! best of luck to you and yours!