Today marks my eleventh smoke-free day, and I feel pretty good. I notice that I’m not as short of breath, particularly on the treadmill.

Go figure.

In other news, I am having the sort of ridiculous romantic feelings that make my brain want to implode. I’m really kind of reticent and stoic and have a stick really far up my butt when it comes to any sort of emotion, so this has me pretty spun.

I can’t get enough of B. I really can’t. I feel like I’m eighteen again, when I literally wanted to crawl inside of his body, I wanted to be so close to him. We sit on the couch and hold each other so tightly that I lose my breath, and for once, I know that it isn’t the cigarettes.

I am on the phone all the time, talking, texting. We see each other at least three times per week. I can’t stop looking into his eyes, for the love of God, what is going on with me? There is all this emotion and passion and bullshit, and it’s really just too damned much. I can hardly sleep.

I love it, though. I fucking love it, God help me.

Obviously aliens have taken over my body. Please excuse me.

Ahem.

In other news, the big news here in northwest Indianny is that a local teen who was being bullied for quite some time had the living crap kicked out of him by star football and baseball players. This happened at the high school the J-Man is to attend next year.

Apparently the students involved were not disciplined in the slightest, except for the victim – a kid of middle Eastern descent, hence the bullying – who was suspended for ten days for throwing one punch in order to try to defend himself.

The kid has actual brain damage from the beating. He is suffering visual disturbances and balance problems.

This enrages me.

The victim’s family is suing, and I hope they win, but I’m sure it will be of little comfort to the boy.

This is the sort of stuff that scares me shitless, particularly since my son is bullied on a regular basis. I just don’t have the words.

I don’t understand kids today. I don’t understand whether they act this way because they are being raised in a culture of violence, because they’re mentally ill, because their parents are complete and utter douchebags, or a combination of all those factors.

I wish I knew the answers, and I wish children could feel safe in school.

I wish I didn’t feel that I’m going to have to send my kid to high school with pepper spray and a bulletproof vest.

In still other news, if I got time to lean, I got time to clean. Sigh.

Happy Tuesday.

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