Today is day three sans cigarettes, and during the first day and a half I had absolutely no nicotine whatsoever. I was like a hype, people. I was like a crack-craving, alley-skittering, likka-sto’-haunting hype.

I think that this was predominantly because I didn’t cut down on my admittedly exorbitant consumption of caffeine. You just can’t mainline caffeine when you’re not smoking, or at least I can’t. It just doesn’t fly. I need nicotine to balance it all out.

I was literally pacing around the house like a freak – walking up and down the stairs and driving everyone crazy.

Last night B. and I went to a freaking four-hour high school production of A Streetcar Named Desire, and so annoying was the actress portraying Blanche DuBois and so long was the performance that by the time we were out I was fiending like crazy. Thankfully B. had brought me his extra e-cigarette, probably due to the fact that he was sick to death of my manic phone calls and generally crazy state. It helped a great deal, and I’ve been hitting it sporadically ever since.

Afterwards we went out for coffee, and I had my first-ever cup of decaf.

I mean, decaf. What’s the freaking point? Still, I was trying to avoid snapping off and leaving a large, Jen-shaped hole in the restaurant wall.

Afterwards I spent the night at B.’s. Now historically, I don’t do well with sleepovers. I’m an insomniac who has to dose herself with tons of sleep meds even to successfully sleep at home, and sleeping outside of the house is damned near impossible. I was willing to give it the old college try, though, so I brought my pills along and my iPod (which I cannot sleep without) and hoped for the best.

Of course I forgot the extra sleeping pill that I usually take on sleepovers, because I’m an idiot. I probably could have taken one of B.’s (he is probably an even more chronic insomniac than I am), but I didn’t want to get into the nasty habit of sharing or trading meds. That involves a rather slippery slope.

I haven’t stayed overnight with B. since I was about 20 years old, so I neglected to remember that he: A) sleeps like a corpse, B) talks creepily in his sleep, and C) snores like a Mack truck.

Yes, I hit the trifecta.

At some point during the night he opened his eyes, looked right at me and intoned, “Bill (his stepdad), the clocks change tonight.”

Creepy, right?

And the snoring. The snoring was ridiculous. It wasn’t little cute “Snzzzzzz…” snoring. It was like “SNZAAAAAA!!!!!!!” snoring. I couldn’t even roll him over, because due to his leg issues he can only sleep on his damned back.

Then this morning, after a scant three hours of sleep, I woke up and looked to my left to see him lying perfectly still with his arms crossed and perfectly angled over his chest like fucking Dracula.

It was highly unnerving. I kept waiting for the morning sun peering through the curtains to cause his pale skin to burst into flame.

All in all, not a great night of sleep. It was nice to share a bed, though, if you don’t count the snoring and the talking and the creepy Dracula poses.

Plus, there was good strong coffee in the morning, which is not allowed at my house, where we make coffee with an entire pot of water and one damned tablespoon of coffee grounds.

I’m so not kidding. This is the House of No – everything is quiet, repressed, sterile, bland, and weak – even the coffee.

If you visited us, you would agree. It’s very oppressive. B. is afraid to talk here because he’s a loud talker and he’s actually been chastised for being too mouthy.

We started laughing one night in the basement and my stepdad was down here like a shot. “You’re going to wake up your mother!”

For the record, my mother sleeps like the dead.

Still, NO LAUGHING.

It’s no wonder I’m a little nervous. I am entirely too much person for this house.

In other news, I am still waiting to hear back from Purdue about re-entry into school. I’m really kind of excited. I’m even more excited about being about to default on my student loans again.

That will be a load off of my mind.

Happy Sunday from a very recent and very sleepless non-smoker.

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