April 12th, 2011 | Author: trancejen
This morning I woke up with a scorching migraine, the kind that makes me lose my will to live and makes me want to furiously beat my head against a wall in an attempt to excise the evil demon within.
Since I don’t do anything half-assed, I drank three cups of coffee, took my migraine prescription, and popped three Vicodin. This seems to be the only cocktail that works for the bad ones, and it also has the wonderful side effect of making me pleasantly stoned.
The only downside to this is that when I’m on Vicodin I want to eat everything within a five-mile radius. Although I walked/ran on the treadmill for an hour today, I consumed cereal, a bagel with cheese, and oh, twelve Double Stuffed Oreos, so I do believe I canceled out that workout and then some.
The stoniness has since worn off, and I am now spending my time picking my nose.
You read right.
I finally took the big steel hoop out of my nose yesterday, replacing it with a cute little rhinestone flower stud, because well, it just looks less hard. I guess I’m getting softer in my old age.
Anyway, the stud I got is a nose screw, which has a small twist of metal on the other end of it. Unfortunately, this was made for someone with much larger nostrils than I possess, for instead of the twist curling up on the inside of my nose, it reaches all the way over to the other side of my nostril, making me feel exactly like I have a big old hard booger in my nose.
I know you’re happy to have received that pleasant little bit of imagery.
It’s maddening, and as a result I keep jamming my finger up there to twist it around and try to adjust it for optimum comfort. Still, it remains uncomfortable and is frequently making me sneeze.
Poor me! My nose is too small! In a moment I will also complain that my breasts are too big and my ass is too firm.
Right.
In other news, the J-Man got into a fight with a kid on the bus yesterday, and said child yelled, “Well, at least my mother’s not a fat whore that gets raped by black guys.”
Well.
I haven’t been raped by any black guys, last time I checked, and I’m really not a whore, unless you count my adventures with the 21-year-old; and I wouldn’t call a size 10 or 12 THAT fat.
I asked who the kid was, so that I could glare at him in an evil fashion next time I see him. This may not seem like much payback, but then you haven’t seen my glare. It has driven grown men to their knees.
I have come to the conclusion that most little boys my son’s age are, in fact, rotten to the core; and that most of them have no home training nor manners nor morals. Are they being raised by wolves? Perhaps. Have I lost all patience with them? Certainly.
Junior high is a battlefield.
Happy Tuesday.
Junior High is the time when all kids become assholes. Well, maybe not ALL kids, but certainly MOST kids. Hopefully, though, this phase will pass your kid over and he’ll remain a sweet, loving child throughout! Hang in there!
Wow Jen, I didn’t know you were all that. Good thing there’s junior high jackholes to set us all straight. Ugh. Hope your headache is better.
Why must they always go to the mamas? My daughter is 10 and had to slap a girl last week who said “Yo Mama!” She said it was an instant reaction and she had no choice.
BTW I am married to a black man, but not raped either. LOL!
I had the same problem with my nose ring. Then one day I took it out and couldn’t get it back in (I don’t remember why) and I took a pair of scissors and bent the loop. It finally fit back in easily, and now the loop of the corkscrew is much smaller. Tada! Pliers would probably be better, as the scissors scored a small nick into the metal.