November 17th, 2010 | Author: trancejen
If you didn’t read yesterday’s entry, this is about that.
I spent the day worried sick that the dude had offed himself, actually puking at one point because this distressed me so, and finally I went to bed early, realizing that I had to let it go and that there was nothing I could do.
Then I got another text. This one said, “I’m fine, sorry.”
I was fucking livid. Relieved, but livid.
I said yesterday that cell phones should come with breathalyzers, and now I know that I was right. The guy probably tied one on, had a pity party, and decided to flip out everybody in his contacts list.
Again, I was fucking livid. I didn’t answer the text, but there were a few choice words I could have thrown his way.
Having lost two friends to suicide, I don’t take talk of suicide lightly. Perhaps this is because I have always wished that I would have picked up on cues that I didn’t pick up on, or maybe that I’d have been a better and more perceptive friend. Whatever the case, it’s a sore subject, and I think rightfully so.
I don’t think anyone should go around threatening suicide unless they’re rock-solid serious, and I don’t think it’s the kind of thing that should be played around with via fucking drunk text.
This really fucked with my head. I’m angry, and I think I have every right to be. I’ve been drunk, depressed, AND suicidal at different times in my life, and NEVER would I have done such a thoughtless thing to someone else. Ridiculous.
Anyway, that’s how the story ends, and believe me when I tell you I will not be answering any texts from THAT number anytime soon.
In other news, the J-Man is taking a cooking class this grading period and loves it. So far they’ve made easy things such as quickbreads, but they’re eventually going to move on to pies and cakes. Does this mean I have found a replacement baker for the holiday season? I hope so, because man, baking does nothing for me but make me sample my own wares.
I’ve lost fifty pounds since last December and am shooting for another forty or so, so as to get back down to my fighting weight. Christmas cookies just throw a wrench into the mix. While I’m at it, so do turkey and gravy and sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes and stuffing.
I could eat my weight in all of the above. I’m a Thanksgiving food whore. Basically I’ve been living on soy cereal and soy
protein shakes, and it would be folly to fuck it up now.
It would sure be delicious, though. I wonder if a sweet potato-turkey shake could work.
Maybe not.
Happy Wednesday.
Wow that really sucks.
But hey, congrats on losing pounds. I should get on that too.
Glad the texter is okay.
I hear ya on the weight thing–I’ve been slowly losing, with a lot of hard work, and the Christmas candy is calling to me already. I’m a sucker for Hersheyettes, and Ghiradelli peppermint chocolates. So glad they’re only out this time of year. It’s going to be a tough holiday season weight-wise. Good luck to ya!
I’m glad to hear that the ex is okay, even though that’s royally fucked up.
I’m hoping to stay on the straight and narrow through the holidays. I really don’t want to come out of the other side of December not fitting into my wedding dress. AGGGGH.
Yikes, what a cruel thing to do to you. I can see why he’s an X. Bully to him.
Congratulations on the 50-pound loss. I’ve been losing slowly and steadily through changes in eating habits and increased exercise (including workouts – UGH) and have lost 15 pounds. I hadn’t really thought about the holiday eating season. I’ve finally realized that food is plentiful and readily available all year long so there’s no reason to approach each meal as if it’s the last and overdo. That’s helped tremendously. I’m not so quick to “treat” myself anymore. We receive some really f-upped [and profitable!] messages about food/eating in our society. It takes work to undo/counter those.
I’m so happy for you about your weight loss! I was a skinny-minnie just like you all my life until I got sick and hurt. Oh yeah, and when I turned 22 Topomax and a bout of mono made me quite thin and I loved it. Since my accident and now 2nd surgery, I gained around 80lbs. So yeah, very impresed Ms. Trance. I have a really far way to go. BOO! You should be reveling – in YOUR glory.
I’ve been an avid reader, i think i’ve told you this before….for many many years. this post is very dear to me. i’ve lost a family member to suicide, and one from a drug overdose that may as well been considered suicide. for my own well being, and years of “life” if you will, i’ve learned one thing…those that threaten, cry out, pretend to act as if they are suicidal or portray they are going to commit suicide never do it. and if they “attempt” it, they mess it up and cause themselves damage they never meant to, or they never have the guts to finish it in the long run! it’s a very selfish thing…to profess you are ready to die and to actually finish the thought. but it’s final at that point! the ones that actually have the balls to leave us, more than likely are the ones we never thought were feeling that low. the ones that leave us questioning….WTF did i miss. we missed nothing, because in their minds they wanted to leave. it’s so hard…and words can’t fix it. but i have no tolerance for those that “cry” for help. unless they are really trying to fix ii. hell we all want attention. be it positive or negative. and as friends we have to learn how to divide our attention. i’m very sorry, i know how you hurt, and felt fear, and anger, and sorrow. but it’s not your fault, regardless the outcome. you are so inspirational to a lot of us trancejen….it’s obvious or we wouldn’t be here daily:) i now this was a super log post but it was cathartic to me in a sense. i’ll continue to read you for as long as you continue to blog! i think its been about 8 or 9 years i’ve read. so rock on you bad azz blogger! and ty for letting me vent here as well.
Thanks so much, you guys. And thank you especially, Jac. That was really nice of you.
jen, i’m so glad u you get what i’m saying. i’ve read your recent posts…and think me crazy….but damnit i get you…hence the reading your posts since the diaryland years!….there are times you find a bond. why read a blog if you don’t “get it!”? be it virtual or real, understanding is understanding. who really cares why!! and if you don’t “get me” when i post comments, i’m not shocked. mos def cuz my grammar is shit!. i’m ok with it. but just know, i’m not a damn stalker! lol