I am making my world-famous lasagna today. This is a labor intensive project which involves many full-fat cheeses, two kinds of meat, hours of sauce-simmering, and a final product that is so good you will eat until you explode. If you don’t undo your pants after eating my lasagna, then I have not done a good job.

I may brag, but I can back that shit up. Those of you attending Weetacon this year will receive a copy of my recipe in this year’s recipe book, that is if I ever get around to typing it all out.

We are having my mother’s friends over for dinner tonight, hence the lasagna. These are women my mother has known and loved since grammar school. Watching them laugh together is a delight. It’s also a blessing, considering the fact that there are more health problems among them than your average intensive care ward.

Sigh.

I have worked out a reasonable Halloween costume, but I am sad to say that it’s my old standby, the punk rocker. Fortunately, I have some excellent punk rock/gothy gear (I find myself winding up as sort of an amalgam of both subcultures). Patent-leather waist cincher adorned with big silver buckles? Check. Top comprised out of a pair of torn fishnets? Check. Tank top to go over that for decency’s sake? Check. Shorts with attached braces? Check. Studded leather arm warmer-thingies that lace up? Check. Twenty-two hole burgundy patent leather Doc Martens? CHECK, bitches. I am also in possession of an abundance of studded and spiked jewelry, including a large safety pin that I am going to wear in the cartilage piercing in my right ear.

Add to that some smudgy black eye makeup and some punked-out hair, and I think I’m in business. It may not be terribly original, but it’ll work.

The J-Man is on Fall Break today. He is ecstatic, because we have in our house a new videogame.

Never before has a videogame been so hotly anticipated. When the J-Man received cash and gift cards for his birthday, he plunked the money down to reserve this videogame, Fable III. This was many months ago. Since then, he has been counting the damned days until it would arrive.

It arrived this Tuesday, and on Sunday and Monday, you never saw a more hyperactive child.

“MY GAAAAAAAME IS COMING!!!”

“I know.”

“IT’S FINALLY COMING!!!”

“Yeah. Woo.”

“Mom, you don’t even understand. I’ve been waiting for this game for like, ever.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“Then why aren’t you more excited?”

“Because once it comes, I will never see your face again.”

I was correct. I have had to beat him off of the XBox with a stick. I have had to unplug the thing. If I hear “Wait, let me save my game!” one more time, I am going to have an aneursym.

Fucking Fable III.

I’m going to sneak into his room at night and make myself a character in the game: Wizard Mom. Wizard Mom will give extra points for taking lengthy breaks to interact with the family, get dressed, eat, make the bed, do the laundry. Wizard Mom will encourage other characters to shun the J-Man’s character if he’s been on the thing for more than an hour.

I am so going to hack his shit and mess up his world.

In other news, I need to go make my sauce while simultaneously baking cookies for the party tomorrow night.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that I’m not one Martha Stewart-esque motherfucker.

Happy Thursday.

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