April 28th, 2010 | Author: trancejen
So yesterday I spent the day with Norton and it was all wonderful and shit, and I came home and immediately after he left had a seizure, and then, in the post-seizure fog, I sort of freaked out.
My friend Sue called me, thankfully, and talked me down off a ledge, but I had scary thoughts swirling terrifyingly through my twisted little brain all night.
I mean, what is wrong with this guy?
At first glance, nothing. We get along great, and it’s perfect and easy and fun, and I’m supremely attracted to him, and he’s respectful and funny and we have loads in common, but so far he has no annoying habits and no rotten little idiosyncrasies and no deep dark secrets save his divorce, and it’s starting to GET to me.
I like this guy so much, kids. I don’t remember ever having liked someone so much, so quickly off of the bat, ever, and it’s fucking with my head.
I know I’m just being paranoid and stupid, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but damn, WHERE IS THAT OTHER SHOE??
I feel like I’m having more than my allotted amount of fun allowed by the law, and that the fickle finger of fate is going to come down and poke me directly in the eye. The good eye, too.
I’m trying to chill.
I’m really trying to chill.
I’m just not used to all this… emotion.
It’s so very strange and hard to explain.
Generally I am quite a cool motherfucker when it comes to dating, but I have to confess that Norton makes me melt and stammer and stutter just a little, and I don’t like it! I like to keep my cards close to my chest, say what I have to and hold back the rest, to quote Miss Ani DiFranco.
This is not that.
This is long strange phone conversations about the future, and meaningful glances, and lots and lots of making out.
This is totally different than my past dating experiences, and I am sort of adrift.
I’m trying to ride the wave, be in the moment, and totally enjoy it – because God, it is enjoyable – but there is that small paranoid part of me that wants to scream a little.
Is that insane?
I don’t know.
Anyway.
He met my mother and the J-Man briefly, and both gave him the thumbs-up. (Which is a lot for the J-Man, because the J-Man? Generally he could care less. I think he sees that I am happy.)
In other news, I see the stomach doctor today, and just let him try to take me off of or change my stomach medication. I will cut a bitch.
Happy Wednesday.
Love you Man.
Love you too, man.
Long time lurker…heh, love feeling like an internet stalker.
Anyway! Having gone thru identical stuff in the past two years after meeting my great guy…I would have to say, initially, its a tight rope walk of emotions. But the effing highs can be incredible and the happiness …once you give in to it… oh, I just don’t have the words.
In the beginning, I had someone or two to talk to and I highly suggest you continue to do the same. Let your friends or your journal hear all those insecurities and trust issues, because for me, it was too much to lay on someone I didn’t know that well yet. To call me reserved or guarded with my feelings would be the understatement of the year. And I’m not a spring chicken all crazed with lust and love. I’ve done this before a couple times.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,
Katie B
Thank you, Katie B!!
My assvice would be that eventually the other shoe IS going to drop. You will be disappointed with him eventually, he’s a person; thus is life.
People are afraid to get hurt because, it well, hurts. Is it worth holding the cards close to your chest and missing out on an ass load of hapiness here and now?
Fear comes too from thinking that you aren’t going to be able to deal with the hurt; that you’ll go bat-shit crazy and end up rocking in a corner. How likely is that to really happen?
You’re strong and you’ve been through shit-tons. You’ve raised your son by yourself, been through more medical crap than 10 people in a lifetime and you’re still kicking.
In other words, enjoy the here and now and love, feel, whatever, with abandon. You deserve this. <3
Thank you. I needed that.
Dude. Seriously. If you saw me and L, you might be tempted to stab us both, we’re both so giddy most of the time.
I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, too, but it turns out I’m WEARING the damn shoes.
It is so weird and awesome. Also terrifying. But man. So great. I TOTALLY get you.
Awesome. Glad you’re in cheesyland with me, man.