Norton and I went thrift-store shopping yesterday, and rather than bore you with an exhaustive play-by-play, I will just throw out a few highlights.

We had an excellent time looking for frames and records and making fun of scary baby dolls, “art”, and bad album covers.

One in particular is worth mentioning. It depicted the (hairy) arms and (hairy) hands of God coming down from the sky (with hairy fingers, too) and reaching toward a crowd of people with the large caption “YOU BETTER MIND.”

LOVE.

We have decided to become the next Captain and Tennille, complete with a really bad haircut for me, a stupid captain’s hat for him, and some dorky poses, which we practiced until a man who I strongly believe was there shopping for Jesus records (there were a LOT of Jesus records) interrupted us.

I bought a really kick-ass dress which was new with tags and everything for ten dollars.

After making fun of other people’s stuff, we went to lunch. While about to sit down, I heard someone frantically calling my name. There are five thousand restaurants in the greater Chicagoland area, and who did I happen to run into?

The Notorious J.E.W. That’s right, my father.

Norton had a brief look of total panic cross his face, but then he came up and shook his hand and was very polite. Must be that military background.

My dad regaled us with tales of karaoke stardom and staying out until four o’clock in the morning every single night. Way to make an impression, Dad.

Afterward, we came to my house and talked a lot, and made out even more, and Good Lord, my hormones cannot be handling this, I am going to have to lock myself in a closet/peel off my skin/start going to church/recite BeeGees lyrics whilst fiddling with a rosary/stand on my head/all of the above.

This making out, it is Hot. And I am Weak.

I think I really, really like this boy. He’s very cool, and sort of mellow and quietly funny.

Who knew?

Not me.

In other news, there is some sort of Catarchy (cat anarchy) going on in this joint. If I’m not being awakened by the melodious sound of cats horking up hairballs, I’m being awakened by the sound of them fighting furiously.

I’m seriously about to attach the hose to the laundry sink and start spraying these little suckers with everything I’ve got.

In still other news, I still have a basement full of shit. So today’s mission: De-shit-ify.

Happy Tuesday.

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