My damned back went out during the course of packing up books and moving the boxes, because I am a dumbass who sincerely believes that she can carry ANYTHING, slipped discs notwithstanding.

Did I mention that I am a dumbass?

I am waiting for my muscle relaxers (sweet, sweet goodness) to kick in, and then I’m heading back down into the cave to further frustrate myself. So far I’ve got about seven or eight large boxes packed, so not bad for a morning’s work.

I used to be able to move in a heartbeat. Everything I owned was portable. I hadn’t amassed a lot of furniture in my early twenties, and I hadn’t yet started a large book collection, and moving was as simple as finding a buddy with a pickup truck who was willing to make a couple trips for a case of beer.

I miss those carefree days.

Why am I updating again? I don’t really know. I suppose I’m bored.

I’ve been sort of sifting through my past relationships in my mind, trying to ascertain what went wrong and why I was partially at fault, in order to ensure that history doesn’t repeat itself with Norton, and it’s been a strange trip down memory lane indeed.

I don’t like to talk about exes, really, particularly on this blog where airing others’ dirty laundry really ain’t my business, but I think I’ve made some interesting breakthroughs.

I know I tend to run away, particularly when scared off by something intense. I know that this is something I’ve worked on and talked about with friends and my shrink and sort of gotten past.

I know I have bad or self-destructive habits that tend to manifest during times of intense stress. Again, something I’ve been working on.

I don’t know, I suppose I feel healthier these days. Healthy enough to be coupled with someone and not drop a classic TranceJen FreakOut.

(I did, of course, have a mini-freakout this week, but that was a baby little wee freakout, nothing for the books.)

I feel good. Hopeful. Happy.

It’s refreshing.

It’s nice to be able to lie against someone and not have your heart racing, thinking, “WTF Is He Thinking??”, but rather, just, “This is great.”

It’s great to be able to just fucking relax with someone and Be.

It’s uncharacteristic of me, but I love it.

Something about Norton just makes me comfortable. I would compare him to an old shoe, but I guess that would be less than complimentary.

Something that just… fits.

Anyway, this is getting too sappy for me.

I think the pills are starting to kick in.

And if I got time to lean, I got time to clean.

Later.

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