March 30th, 2010 | Author: trancejen
I totally forgot to take my medication yesterday morning, making for a hot mess of a day.
I was all caught up in cleaning the basement, rocking out in particular the large metal desk we have down there that has been overwhelmed with an avalanche of shit for several years, throwing stuff out, earmarking stuff for the garage sale (how can one family have so many desk lamps??); and then I passed right the hell out, right back into the exercise bike that was directly behind me.
OUCH.
Seizing into a large metal exercise bike is a little bit like diving head-first into a pile of metal rubble and trying to swim. It’s not fun.
I woke up some time later with my back on fire and my head feeling like someone had taken a bat to it, and the rest of the day was not much better.
So, this morning I am taking it kind of easy, resting my sore body and trying to sort of stretch out the soreness, but this afternoon I will be back in that basement until I am remotely satisfied with the level of work that has been done.
In other news, my mother is trying very hard to talk me into going to church with her on Easter.
I am just not a church person, people. I’m just not. It sort of intimidates me, it sort of bores me, and I’m just not into it. We had the following conversation about it, and she was not happy.
“So are you going to go to church with me?”
“Only if I can wear an Easter bonnet.”
“FINE.”
“MOM. I just… don’t like church.”
“You should be in church with your family on Easter.”
“Fine, then I will wear a bonnet, and I will carry a basket of flowers.”
“JENNIFER.”
“Mom!”
She is not easily amused, my mother.
Then she went and took the J-Man shopping, and the child picked out some gorgeous, pimped-out, square-toed church shoes and a lovely shirt, so now I HAVE to go. Can’t have the child there, looking all smooth without his mother, can I?
My mother, she is sneaky.
I seriously do need to find something to wear. I don’t think the Igigi dress I got will fly, because I don’t think the Lutherans are ready for that kind of cleavage. Actually, I don’t think they’re ready for the type of cleavage involved in ANY of the dresses I own. I don’t own anything church-y. I need a Mormon friend from whom I could borrow something long and ruffled and high-necked.
Church. The damned ceiling will probably fall in on me.
In other news, am I ever going to stop sneezing? Since I slipped up and smoked, it has been my penance – a constant, annoying sneezefest.
Happy Tuesday.
Could you wear a tank top under the Igigi dress or a cardigan over it? That would go a long way towards achieving church approved modesty.
I love my church. We go in jeans every Sunday. Easy-peasy.
Poppy, I am considering just that. I would love an opportunity to wear the dress, and I think that’s the way to go!
Jas, Jeans? Really? You heathen.
And they give us beer and wine, sometimes. Party church!
I’m going to YOUR church!!
Everyone wants to be Episcopalian
I hope your dress doesn’t catch on fire when you enter into the Church. Don’t wear anything you like, just in case!
I’m a little worried about that, Susie. There is this big stained-glass eyeball in the ceiling and I always feel like it’s WATCHING me…
\
Jas, I must learn more about this religion that drinks. Tell me more.
Are you saying you wish to join our sacred, drunken order?
These are some of the highlights from the “You might be Episcopalian if…” group on Facebook:
. . . if you recognize your rector, in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.
. . . if while looking for a can opener in the church kitchen, all you can find are four corkscrews.
. . . if your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.
It’s kind of funny, because as a church, we like to party, but our services are very liturgical and follow a set order. It’s kind of like a religious mullet: business in the front (the church), party in the back (the Community Room).
That’s so hysterical. The Lutheran church is so… vanilla.
I know, trust me. I was raised Lutheran. Went to Lutheran school. My grandpa is a Lutheran minister. Everything is so dour.
The singing is what really kills me. I have never heard such low-key, crappy singing in my life. It is like the antithesis of joyful.
Since I slipped up and smoked, it has been my penance – a constant, annoying sneezefest.
hahaha, your penance for smoking and of course your cleaning of the basement. You do know that dust bunnies hide out waiting for you to come move something else…they’re like ninja monkeys lying low for the attack.
get a huge corsage to hide the coin slot in your cleavage.
Jen – # 1…You just had a major damn seizure and HURT yourself badly. #2 You are under soooo much stress just trying to wrap your head around moving WITH you mother into your Father’s home and are physically over taxing yourself. #3 Screw being pressured any further by letting your Mother know that she is ADDING to what is happening to you physically by demanding CHURCH of all things. RRRRRR don’t even get me started on church bullshit because that is ALL it is. If she wants to take the J-man to church she should be asking for your permission as his mother and NOT demanding that it just happen because you are forced to be living in the same house with her DUE to your physical condition. I’m kinda pissed off right now after reading this entry. It is wrong in So many ways. Oh – and by the way, I am a returned Mormon missionary. Hated the clothes and really hated going to church. Guess who God really is and where ‘it’ resides? Look in the mirror my sweet lady. Sorry to be so blunt but ALL religions are horseshit and has caused the majority of wars on the planet. Please know that I am saying this only because I care about you and enough is enough for ALL of us.
If you must go then wear anything you want including Ipod headphones to drown out the garbage.
John in Phoenix
LOL, John! Tell us how you really feel!
I really don’t mind going once a year to please them. It’s not that big of a deal. Plus getting dressed up is kinda fun.
Hey, give me a call tonight! I swear I will be up!