Archive for December, 2009

The damned hamster, Alice, stays up all damned night.

The J-Man came tearing into my room at two AM Christmas Eve, moaning, “I CAN’T SLEEEEEEP!”

The thing was gnawing on the bars. Gnawing toward freedom.

I should explain this hamster cage. The damned hamster cost ten bucks. The cage was fifty dollars. It boasts three levels, an attached travel cage (as if), and tunnels.

I didn’t think the fat little thing would even begin to fit in the tunnels, but it squashes itself into them.

I spent about two hours assembling the cage, and there was much swearing. I don’t mean to disparage direction makers, as I’m sure they hold the most boring jobs in the universe, but they all have the IQs of said hamster.

Patience? We are all out.

So, the J-Man slept on the couch for a couple nights to escape its buck-toothed machinations, but last night I figured I’d put the thing in my room.

Perhaps it would freeze to death.

Heh.

Really I just wanted my kid to sleep in his own bed.

I cleared off a spot on my dresser and gave the thing a few baby carrots, hoping that it would gnaw on them instead of the bars, put my iPod on, and turned off the lights.

*rumble rumble rumble*

I took my iPod out of my ears and went to have a look. It was tearing around its wheel like a miniature Flo-Jo, but it wasn’t anywhere as bad as the sound of tiny teeth on metal bars. I was able to sleep in my normal, comatose state.

This morning I transported Alice back to the J-Man’s room, where she immediately fell sound asleep.

Great. I have a hamster with its nights and days mixed up. I couldn’t even figure that one out when I had a baby.

I’m thinking of either covering the cage during the day so that it thinks it’s nighttime and stays up, or putting in light in front of the cage at night so it thinks it’s daytime and sleeps.

Any ideas would be heartily appreciated. Either I come up with something, or I am going to give it a sliver of Trazodone.

That ought to work.

Christmas was beautiful and joyous and awesome and all that crap. We had my stepdad, my dad, my sister and the kids, and of course, the kid from down the street.

Who sends their kid to someone’s house for nine hours on Christmas Day? The people down the street, that’s who. I never heard of such a thing.

I received a beautiful white coat from the J-Man, which I dearly love but which will probably be charcoal grey in no time.

The J-Man got a Wii from my father, bless his heart, and played Wii Sports so long yesterday that his arms ache today.

I was pretty into it myself. I suck at baseball and golf, but I did pretty well at bowling and tennis.

Don’t even get me started on Super Mario Brothers. I could play it all damned day.

Anyway, I hope all of you had happy holidays.

I am completely ignoring my birthday tomorrow and will instead hold at thirty-five for the rest of my life.

Ahem.

Happy Sunday.

No, we don’t have mice.

The J-Man wants a hamster for Christmas.

Yes.

Never mind the fact that we have three cats.

Because I am a pushover, I am going to purchase said hamster, but Dear God I am not not going to have anything else to do with it. I had this child sitting at the computer yesterday for an hour researching hamsters, their care and feeding, and most importantly their short life span, and he seems to be well-informed, at least.

My mother is less than thrilled about this addition to our household. She feels that a rodent is a rodent is a rodent, and that having one is both gross and completely insane.

I largely agree.

However, we shall give this a shot, and if he doesn’t take proper care of it it will go back to the pet store.

In other news, my family’s rather raucous Christmas party was this past Saturday night. A thousand pierogi were fried, a thousand beers were drunk, and it was a pretty happy time.

My father called me the other day and had this to say:

“Jen.”
“Yes?”
“I have a Christmas request.”
“Shoot.”
“I don’t want any presents in gift bags this year.”
“Excuse me?”
“I want everything wrapped. It is NO FUN opening presents in gift bags, you just take the thing out of the bag!”
“You like the ripping.”
“I like the ripping.”
“You are so freaking weird.”

I had already wrapped all of his gifts, but I’m thinking I will put them in gift bags anyway, just to be ornery.

I’m crazy busy what with making ornaments and jewelry for friends and family, so I probably won’t post again before Christmas, but I hereby order all of you to have a rocking good time.

We are staying at home, going to church (augh) and then having dinner on Christmas Day. No big whoop. It’ll be nice to relax.

Happy Monday, and a very merry Christmas to you.

I am going Christmas shopping. Not online, but in a store. With people. This makes me ridiculously happy, which should tell you just how damned badly I need to get out of the house.

My mom called off work, and we are picking up my stepdad and going to at least five bazillion stores, so hopefully I will have the better part of my shopping completed today.

There is a mama-cat and five little kittens across the street. We’ve been feeding them every day for months now, but it’s getting so damned cold out that we’ve decided to round them up and take them to the Humane Society.

How does one catch six wild cats? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. I’m hoping they’ll be friendly because we feed them.

In other news, the J-Man’s Christmas list is an exhaustive list of expensive things, such as a Wii (right), a Playstation 3, and several expensive games. I had The Talk with him, letting him know that all gifts need not be ridiculously priced, and that true giving comes from the heart, blah blah blah, but I’m not sure that I’m getting through.

I blame it on the swanky private school, loaded with rich kids who probably all have Wiis and Playstation 3s already.

In still other news, my Bunco group’s Christmas party is tonight, at a local divey Mexican place that features GREAT food and cheap beer. I’m looking forward to cackling it up with the other hens.

Happy Friday.

So, my mom and stepdad bailed my sister out, and she has been here every day since.

Today, I had enough. I literally stayed downstairs in the cave and didn’t answer the door.

This probably sounds stupid as well as heartless, but I have had ENOUGH. She’s not even attempting to look for a job, she’s making a few halfhearted calls to charity to look for help with a security deposit, never mind the fact that they can’t afford rent and utilities, and I’m just done.

I don’t want to constantly help someone who doesn’t even make the slightest attempt to help herself and her family.

She dumped the two oldest kids at their paternal grandmother’s weeks ago, but to the best of my knowledge she has not even gone over to visit them. Why the fuck not? I have no idea.

These kids don’t deserve to go through this shit. They really don’t.

I don’t understand why she isn’t looking for work. She could get a job working seasonal help at some sort of retail place. She could waitress or even wash dishes. Something.

It just stresses me the fuck out, and I don’t need it. I don’t need her and her boyfriend coming around here, stressing my mother out, either. My mother’s been sick a whole lot lately, and it has me worried. She doesn’t need to be supporting three more people.

I’m just really angry and really fed up. I don’t know. I need to start Christmas shopping, getting in the mood for Christmas, but I’m so tense I haven’t been able to muster up any holiday spirit whatsoever.

I just wish to God she would get her shit together and think about her kids, and not expect everyone else to take up the slack.

I don’t know. I’m not going to continue hiding in my basement like a chump. I need to be straight with her and just tell her she can’t squat here every day just because the people she’s staying with are getting fed up.

I’m going to have to grow a set and just do it.

Anyway.

Nothing much else is going on, thank God. I’m just trying to get through the holidays.

How are YOU?

Happy Wednesday.

My sister got thrown in jail.

Really.

Apparently there were outstanding warrants for her arrest, and they picked her up.

She’s up for a 10,000 dollar bond, which means we have to pay 1,000 dollars to get her out.

I don’t even know what the fuck she DID.

So this afternoon we are going to the lockup to bail her ass out.

I am… speechless.

Just speechless.

Just when I think things can get no worse and she can be no fucking deeper in the hole, some shit like this happens.

It’s a mess.

Couple that with the fact that I passed out into a door frame yesterday and am nursing what I believe is a mild concussion, and you have my weekend.

The excitement never stops.

Happy Saturday.

“Do you know your lines?”
“Yes.”
What do you have to wear?”
“Something dressy.”
“Here’s your black pants.”
“I’m not wearing that sweater.”
“Fine. Wear your white shirt.”
“The black pants don’t fit.”
“Shit.”
“The white shirt doesn’t fit.”
“Damn. Try these khakis.”
“Don’t fit.”
“GAH. Try on your dress shoes with black jeans.”
“Where are my dress shoes?”
“I have no idea.”
*hour-long search for shoes*
“What else fits me??”
“Nothing. I can’t find the shoes.”

As a result, my child wore black jeans, Chuck Taylors, and a polo shirt to his Christmas program, and was by far the most under-dressed child in the program.

GAH.

I felt like Mom of the Year, I can tell you that.

In other news, I still have not put the Christmas tree up.

Last year, the fucking legs broke off of the stand, causing the tree to fall over and crush half of my ornaments, so I’ve not been looking forward to this.

Christmas spirit? I have none. Seriously. I’m ready to puke every time I hear Christmas music and I’m doing all of my shopping on the internet.

Clearly I need to lighten up.

Happy Thursday.

Actually, I don’t have the right to talk about stress, my sister is fucking HOMELESS.

This has become a sort of barometer of crapitude in the Trance house. “Here you are asking for a Wii for Christmas, when your aunt is HOMELESS?” “Here you are bitching about buying Christmas presents when your sister is HOMELESS?”

It’s endlessly fun.

I don’t know where they are. They were here the other day, making calls to shelters that are all full, and now they’re in the wind.

My sister doesn’t call, ostensibly because she is pissed that they can’t all stay here, but there’s just no way they can all stay here. We can’t do it. We can’t afford it. If she got a job, helped herself, something, it might be different.

Maybe we’re callous. I don’t know. I myself am finding it hard to believe that she can’t get at least seasonal work, stocking shelves, waitressing, SOMETHING, ANYTHING. The city has nearly-free childcare for the indigent, so why the fuck not?

She might be staying at Baby-Daddy #1’s grandmother’s house, which is where she previously dumped the oldest two kids.

The grandmother didn’t want her there because of the baby (plus because she’s seventy-odd years old, for Christ’s sakes), but she may have relented.

Had she stayed another day, we were going to just give up and offer her the living room.

Maybe we should have.

I don’t know.

The thing is that if they stay here, they will never leave. And my mother just doesn’t need any more stress, other than driving me and the J-Man and my stepdad all over God’s creation, AND cleaning offices, AND her day job.

She’s worn out, and I feel horrible about it. Having my sister and her three kids would be too much. Hell, it would probably be too much for me.

Still, I don’t want my sister to be homeless. Especially at Christmastime.

I don’t know. I’m really trying hard to wrap my head around all of this.

The story of my stepdad and stepsiblings is this(some of you asked): My mom started dating Stepdad when I was fourteen, and they’ve been together ever since, sometimes living together, sometimes not. We call him my stepdad even though he is not “officially” my stepdad, because they’ve never actually gotten married.

So my siblings are not my blood siblings, or really my siblings at all, but we call them that.

They’ve been around for twenty-two years, what else would you call them?

Anyway, I think of her as my sister, my little sister whose hair I used to gently curl when she was four, who used to sit in my lap and laugh, and I wonder where she is.

Whether she’s cold.

Whether her kids are fed.

And I wonder why shit has to turn out like this.

Sorry I’m not more cheerful today. It’s just been A Day.

Tonight is J’s advent performance at the church, and I will look at all the well-fed, well-dressed children with parents who work and have beautiful homes and wonder whether they know how incredibly blessed they are.

Happy Wednesday.