Archive for November, 2009
November 12th, 2009 | Author: trancejen
I unwittingly signed up for daily horoscopes via e-mail, and here’s what I got today (My “Daily Romantic Horoscope”):
“It’s time to challenge your pessimistic attitudes towards dating. Not everyone is out to get you. You might be a bigger enemy to yourself. Love isn’t a battlefield so quit throwing emotional grenades.”
I have two problems with this.
1. If Pat Benatar says love is a battlefield, then love is a fucking battlefield, got it?
2. ZOMG, I have been throwing emotional grenades without even knowing it!
The pessimistic part is right on track. I *am* horribly pessimistic when it comes to dating. I *do* assume that eighty percent or so of men are total tools who are only led by, well, their tools.
The dating site is not going well at all. So far I haven’t actually had the balls to contact anyone, but then so far I haven’t really seen anyone I felt was worth contacting. I seem to have nothing in common with most of these guys. They bore me. I don’t want to be bored.
The ones I do have stuff in common with petrify me, naturally. OR they’re way too cocky. OR they seem weird (go figure). OR OR OR.
The messages I get are sad and disheartening. I was seriously asked whether I had “BIG BOOBS”.
I mean, COME ON.
Let’s face it, dating kind of sucks, but I would like to go out now and again, with a man, have some decent conversation; and possibly, in the future, get laid.
We all have needs.
Still, damned if I’m going to go out with some illiterate trogolodyte. It’s just not worth it.
I asked my mother what I should do about this problem, and she informed me that I should go to church, because apparently the Lutheran church is CRAWLING with hot single men, it’s true, she sees them every Sunday.
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So yeah, I could probably be a little less pessimistic and have a little less of a chip on my shoulder, and yeah, I should probably assume that *some* of these guys might be decent guys.
I’m working on it.
In other news, the most boring season of Project Runway ever is coming to an end. Boo hoo.
Happy Thursday.
November 11th, 2009 | Author: trancejen
As always, Shark-Fu is saying it best over at Angry Black Bitch.
If she’s not on your blogroll, remedy that, OK?
Happy Veteran’s Day.
November 9th, 2009 | Author: trancejen
A blogger friend of mine recently posted that Jersey had better pizza than Chicago.
I respectfully disagree.
Here is my personal pizza recipe that I use to the delight of friends and family, which is loosely based off of the Gino’s East pie recipe.
It’s seriously good shit, people. Try it.
Da Dough:
1 cup warm water
1 package yeast
3/4 cup cornmeal
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons melted butter
2-1/2 to 3 cups flour (you can use the basic all-purpose shit)
This recipe makes enough dough for a 12″ round deep dish pizza. I tend to split this up into two small pizza pans (small round cake pans).
Preparing the cornmeal : One secret to making Gino’s East pizza is getting the cornmeal ground up fine enough so hat you don’t have a grainy texture to the crust. To do this, take 3/4 cup Quaker Oats corn meal and grind it up in a coffee grinder. You have to grind it as fine as is humanly possible. Then take the ground corn meal and sift it into your mixer bowl.
Getting the cornmeal into solution and proofing the yeast: Another secret to Gino’s East pizza is to get the cornmeal dissolved as well as possible (to prevent the grainy crust.) To do this, put the warm water in the mixing bowl with the corn meal, and add the yeast, salt, sugar, olive oil, and melted butter. Using the whisk attachment (if you have a KitchenAid mixer), stir the mixture for 10 minutes. If you don’t have a mixer, whisk it by hand.
Making the dough ball:
Add one cup of flour to the mix and use the dough hook to mix it up well (again, if no mixer, you’re on your own). Add the remaining flour 1/4 cup at a time until you can handle and knead the dough without it sticking to your hands. You may not need the whole 3 cups of flour, or you may need more. You will have to use your judgment. Just remember not to let the dough get too hard, or to have it too soft (will stick you your fingers).
Next take the dough out of the mixer and knead it by hand on a countertop. If you have made the dough right you will not have to put any flour down, or you will only need a minimal amount. Knead the dough for 3 to 5 minutes.
Letting the dough rise : Oil the inside of your mixer bowl. Place the dough ball in the bowl and cover the bowl with a sheet of plastic wrap. Put the bowl in the oven. Here is another secret: take a skillet and boil some water in it. Put the pan of boiling water on the bottom shelf of the oven and the mixer bowl on the top. The dough will rise much faster in the warm humid air. Let the dough rise until doubled in size. This might take anywhere from 1/2 to 1 1/2 hours.
Forming your crust:
After the dough has risen, punch down the dough into a ball. Place the ball of dough on the counter and flatten it with your hand. Then use a rolling pin to roll the dough into a uniform circle 1/4 inch thick. Take your dough and carefully place it into the pan. Form the crust by pinching the dough 1 1/2 inch up the side of the pan. Cover the pan with plastic wrap and let the dough rise 1/2 hour or until your oven is preheated to 475ºF. As an aside, Gino’s probably puts either butter or olive oil in the bottom of the pan before it puts the crust in.
Gino’s East uses a 12″ wide by 2″ deep circular pan with straight up and down sides to bake their medium pizzas. I use cake pans with straight sides.
Topping your pizza:
After you let the crust rise 1/2 hour in the pan, melt some butter and use a basting brush to coat the crust surface with melted butter. The first thing you will put into the pan will be the cheese. Place an even layer of cheese 1/2 to 3/4 inches deep in the pan. You can use shred, but I prefer making tiles of the sliced stuff. The next thing you will put into the pan will be the meat, such as Italian “Sassage” or pepperoni. Layer the meat spaced evenly over the top of the cheese. Add veggies, if you wish. Canned spinach is actually not too bad on this pizza. Next spread a layer of tomato sauce on top of the meat. Don’t put too much sauce on or you will end up with a soggy pizza.
You can use jarred sauce. Gino’s does. I, however, prefer this particular sauce mixture:
My sauce recipe is as follows:
1 can tomato paste
6 oz. warm water
3T grated Parm cheese
1T minced garlic
2T honey
3/4t onion powder
1t dried oregano
1/2t marjoram
1t basil
1/2t ground black pepper
1/4t cayenne pepper
1/4t red pepper flakes
salt to taste
Combine that shit and let it sit for 30 minutes to blend, and then add a large can of drained crushed tomatoes. (You don’t have to add tomatoes if you don’t like them, the sauce works without them, but I prefer them.)
It is delish.
Next, sprinkle parmesan cheese over the top of the sauce.
Next you add salt. Start with a tablespoon and taste it. Gino’s sauce is nice and salty, but I don’t personally add a lot of salt. The only other thing you might want to add would be a little basil on top.
Baking the pizza:
Your oven must be at 475ºF exactly before you put the pizza in. Bake the pizza at 475 for 15 minutes. Lower the temperature to 400ºF and bake the pizza an additional 10 to 25 minutes until the crust is golden brown, and areas of browned cheese start to poke up through the sauce. Let the pizza cool 5 minutes and then serve.
I guarantee you, it’s seriously good.
Enjoy.
And happy Monday.
November 8th, 2009 | Author: trancejen
“Go outside.”
“WHHHHYYEEEE? There’s nothing to DO outside!”
“Play.”
“There’s nothing TO PLAY.”
“You don’t have to be connected to an electronic device every moment of your life, GO OUTSIDE. NOW.”
*grumbles, puts shoes on*
“When I was a kid, we didn’t have internet or fancy video games. We played outside.”
“That was in the Stone Ages.”
“Hardly.”
It’s impossible to get this kid out the door, even on this uncharacteristically gorgeous fall day. It’s a damn shame.
There’s a nearby park complete with huge disc golf course. There are bikes, scooters, wagons. There are baseballs, footballs.
I suggest playing football and the J-Man and his friends look at me like I’m from outer space. FOOTBALL? Throwing and catching a ball? Surely, J., your moms has lost it.
I kicked them outside anyway. They can all skulk around the neighborhood for a few hours, talking about what a colossal jerk I am.
The quasi-high-school-reunion thing was fun. Most of the people there had graduated a few years after me, so I didn’t know a lot of the people there, but I met a lot of pretty decent people and that was cool.
I sang a LOT. If I wasn’t hogging the mike, someone was dragging me up there to sing with them.
My old roommate Jason was there, buying shots like a fool. which I foolishly drank, resulting in one hell of a hangover yesterday.
I don’t think we got home until about five in the morning. My girlfriends spent the night and slept till noon, both asking for Tylenol upon waking up.
Today is a completely beautiful day. I actually was able to open all of the windows. I’m just sitting around reading Frank Portman’s King Dork and listening to a little Lucinda Williams, watching the cats lounge in their respective windows and enjoying the fresh air.
Happy Sunday.
November 6th, 2009 | Author: trancejen
Nothing much is going on today, save some more cleaning and a Doctor Who marathon on SciFi that I am waaaaay too excited about.
More news on the weekend.
Happy Friday.
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November 5th, 2009 | Author: trancejen
I am shaking off the last vestiges of sleep and preparing to go do a massive clean of the TranceCave. The cave is moderately clean, but I am having overnight guestage tomorrow and would like it to be super-sparkly.
Overnight guestage, you say? Is Jen about to indulge herself in a booty call?
Sadly, no. I have a couple of friends coming to spend the night after my high-school get-together-thing both because I live in close proximity to the bar and because they love me.
(Personally, I think that they just love sleeping in my bed, which is supremely comfortable and stacked nearly to the ceiling with pillows.)
(Although, really, I don’t know whether any sleep will be involved. Mostly we will just drink more and talk shit about everyone who was at the bar.)
November’s social calendar is promising so far, bearing this reunion-type thing, a friend’s birthday party, and the Pixies concert.
I’m glad. A busy Jen is a happy Jen.
The J-Man is somewhat morose about not being able to attend the Pixies show, and is infuriated by the whole ‘18 and over’ concept.
Poor J-Man. His day will come.
Speaking of the J-Man, I about seriously Lost My Shit the other day when he came home from Pigpen’s house screaming in pain with a swollen foot that I thought was broken.
Apparently Pigpen, nefarious little fucker that he is, took a chair and slammed it down right on top of the J-Man’s foot.
I am not amused. Neither was the J-Man.
Upon very gentle inspection I determined that it was not broken, but the J-Man was furious and I think it’s the last we shall see of Pigpen for a good long while.
This of course makes me supremely happy.
I very nearly called his mother, but decided not to because the kids were outside and I knew the little shit was just going to lie about it.
I don’t understand kids. “Hey! Let me slam this chair down upon your foot! Fun!”
Fuckers.
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The J-Man is limping slightly and will probably try to finagle his way out of gym class, but he’s fine.
My father is also going to this high school shindig on Friday, because that is his normal karaoke night at that particular bar. I am sure the Notorious J.E.W. will regale us with Akon’s greatest hits and perhaps some Eminem thrown in for good measure. It’s always quality entertainment when my dad is involved.
My old roommate K., who now lives in the yuppie burbs, is coming with her new husband, who will probably be horrified by how ghetto we all are.
It’s not a party until K. starts pounding shots of Southern Comfort and singing disco hits.
In other news, there is no other news. I am off to go make things sparkle and shine.
Today’s question is this: Do you karaoke? If so, what do you sing?
Happy Thursday.
November 3rd, 2009 | Author: trancejen
Not much going on today here in the Trance House.
I did buy some incredibly cozy new boots, though.
MMM. Fuzzy.
More (actual) news tomorrow.
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November 2nd, 2009 | Author: trancejen
My entire face is breaking out due to overconsumption of Halloween candy. I seriously look like a pizza-faced teenager.
Grr.
I thought I would share with you the conversation I had with my redneck relatives about Naked Time.
My Aunt E., out of nowhere: “Do you wear pajamas to bed?”
Me: “Nope. Hate them.” (generally I would not have divulged this information, but, beers.)
Aunt E.: “Me too!! They’re too hot!”
Me: “I know! And they get all twisty and uncomfortable.”
Aunt E.: “Totally uncomfortable.”
We were moderately drunk, so we were cracking up, but my mom was becoming seriously disturbed by this non-prudish conversation at this point.
Aunt E.: “Rachel (my cousin) says it’s gross because she says bodily fluids will get all over the sheets.”
Me: “If your marriage is any good, there will be bodily fluids all over your sheets anyway.”
TranceMom: “JENNY.”
Aunt E.: “BWAHAHA! I’m going to tell her that!”
TranceMom: “She’s right. You’re both disgusting.”
Uncle B: “We’ve been sleeping like that forever. Not going to change now.”
TranceMom: “You too! My God!”
Me: “There’s nothing wrong with a little Naked Time.”
TranceMom: “You and the J-Man are disgusting, walking around naked all the time*.”
*My son and I do NOT walk around naked all the time. We occasionally briefly walk around naked post-shower, but it’s not All Naked, All The Time up in here.
Me: “You’re a prude. You should be naked more often, it’s healthy.”
TranceMom: “Um, No. Never.”
Me: “SHE sleeps in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and a turtleneck and socks.”
Aunt E.: “God! How can you sleep in socks??”
Me: “I won’t even sleep in socks if it’s twenty below.”
Aunt E.: “Socks!!”
We glared at my mother and her strange sock-sleeping habit.
I think the conversation devolved even further at that point, but as I was laughing pretty hard I don’t remember what was said.
I love my crazy redneck relatives.
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You should see our Christmas parties. It’s mass insanity.
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Happy Monday.
November 2nd, 2009 | Author: trancejen
Something that you may or may not know about me is that I studied classical piano for ten years, from the time I was a little girl with my legs swinging above the floor up into my teenaged years, in which I really enjoyed pounding out a little pop music.
It was a lot of fun. I was the go-to girl for Christmas carols, and I could always whip out some Bach or some shit upon request.
I’m sure Beethoven wouldn’t appreciate being referred to as “some shit”. Thankfully I doubt he’s reading this.
I even made quite a bit of money playing for swanky parties, and I played the organ at a local church for many years.
I’m well aware that “church organist” is probably not the first thing that comes to mind when one meets me.
In 2001, when my eyes went bad, I stopped playing. It was simply too much trouble, and I am a sight-reader rather than a play-by-ear-er. Reading sheet music was actually impossible.
This morning I looked at the piano, covered in birthday cards and hopelessly out of tune, and thought, “Why not? I can see great now, and surely it’s like riding a bike, right?”
It’s not like riding a bike.
I was hopelessly tripped up and sounded like a nervous six-year-old at a recital.
My plan is to practice for an hour every day until I get some of my musical mojo back.
I also studied the flute and the saxophone. The awesome antique Buescher saxophone has been rotting in the basement closet for years and undoubtedly needs new pads and springs, and I believe my father has the flute.
I think it’s a real shame to have let go of these things. Hopefully soon I can start playing at the level I was when I quit.
Making jewelry is another thing I sort of stopped for a while, but thankfully that *is* like riding a bike. I’ve been whipping out some cool stuff to give away as Christmas gifts. Last year was the Year of the hand-Knitted Scarf, and this year is the Year of the Beads.
Other than bad music and crafty craftiness, not much is going on. I am sort of tired from last night’s drunken debauchery with the redneck relatives.
It was fun, though.
How are YOU this morning?
Happy Monday.
November 1st, 2009 | Author: trancejen
Dont Answer the Phone! ipod Today the redneck relatives came over to celebrate my mother’s birthday, and Good Lord. I learned the following things:
1. These people can DRANK. I mean, DRANK.
2. I am too pale and “need color”.
3. My uncle mercilessly slaughters any deer that dare wander into his acreage.
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4. We all sleep naked, except for my mom.
5. I can also DRANK.
I have had far too many cheap beers and consequently need to go play Guitar Hero. At which I suck.
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See you tomorrow.
Happy Sunday.
