A kid in the J-Man’s class has the swine flu!

SWINE FLU.

The heinie virus scares me, people. Because when we get the flu, WE GET THE FUCKING FLU. Last time I got the flu was at Weetacon a couple of years ago, and I spent the entire weekend puking into a garbage can while simultaneously shitting my brains out.

Pleasant imagery!

The J-Man gets it equally bad, and I am worried for him.

I have been vaccinated for the flu, but he hasn’t.  It was all I could do not to send him to school in a mask and gloves today.

Hand sanitizer will be applied liberally, I hope.

Secret Window buy Hell, who am I kidding.  The germy little miscreants are probably sharing suckers and spitting at each other.

Well, the general consensus is that I should post what I wrote yesterday onto my dating profile, sans the information about Fuckbrain.  I agree about the no Fuckbrain part.  My Fuckbrain is primarily nobody’s business.

I am thinking about this.  I really don’t think I’d get many responses, because most men looking for sex have no sense of humor, but I think you guys are right in that it would weed out the idiots.

We shall see.

I have problems in this area because I am socially clueless.  I’m a historically horrible flirter.  Like, you would not believe how bad.  I can have the biggest crush on someone and find myself totally just nodding my head with a boring, straight look on my face.  I can’t even SMILE, people.

There needs to be a manual for this shit.  I would be all over that.

My friend Mare is a GORGEOUS flirt.  I would give my left breast for a little of her chutzpah.

The Three Lives of Thomasina movie

The thing is that I HAVE chutzpah, it just won’t come out at the right time.  Take Minneapolis, for example, when I was TOTALLY crushing all over this guy and barely could say a word to him, even though I had every opportunity to do so.  I just clam up.  It’s unspeakably lame.

I have notorious diarrhea of the mouth and will spout of for hours to anyone else, but I got nothin’ when it comes to guys that intimidate me for whatever reason.

It’s a conundrum.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World dvd

In other news, it is TranceMom’s 63rd birthday.

We almost lost her a few times (Cancer ‘82, Cancer ‘91, and who could forget Aneurysm 2002?), but she’s hanging in there and doing well.

I bought her a ridiculously sappy card that made her cry, as well as some gifts that she really liked, even though she’s historically really hard to buy for.

If you would like to send her some birthday wishes, hit me up in the comments.  I will e-mail them to her.  Because strangers who read her crazy kid’s weblog are really important to her.

Ahem.

Happy Friday.

Also, you Must. Read. This.

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